I rarely have dreams I can remember…but this one was so real. So interesting. So scary. 

As we all know Luis and I are in a LDR. And I miss him more than anything in the freaking world. But in this dream…it was like we were going to finally be together . 

We were going to meet up. 

But everytime we planned it…or we were SO close to seeing one another…something bad happened…and prevented us. Like he calls me…and I was supposed to get on the train to meet him at the train stop in Jersey…but it was like the train wouldn’t let me get on. It was gated…like the ones in New York…and I would swipe my card…but it wouldn’t accept it. Or one point…I was going to swipe my card…and it flew away because it was windy. Then we planned on seeing each other at the airport…and it was like I got on the plane…and I was going to Jersey…and he was waiting for me…and the plane didn’t work. I never got to see him. 

And it was like the whole time I would be talking to Luis…and he would be like “c’mon babe…I’m waiting for you…why do you keep putting me off…why can’t we just be together…I just want to see you for 5 minutes”….

I don’t know what this dream means. I believe in my dreams…and everytime I dream something…it occurs. It’s weird as heck.

But I’m afraid this means…perhaps we might not ever GET to be together :( 

And that scares me. I know I shouldn’t over analyze…but anything that has to do with him..I freak out. :( 

I hope it’s not true…and we will finally get to be together one day. I miss him a lot. :( 

This whole week all I’ve been seeing are couples. Couples on the left making out, couples on the right holding hands, giggling, and making cute faces at eachother, couples in front of me sitting together. 

I absolutley hated it :( 

It made me miss Luis more than ever. I haven’t gotten one of these weeks, but I hate those days when all you want is your lover, and all you see are other couples happy as fuck together :( 

And to TOP it off, everyone I spoke to today told me how they are going on a date with their boyfriend :( 

I haven’t been to the movies in MONTHS. I want to go with LuLu :( 

Wah baby, why do you gotta be so far away from me :(((((

Usually I’m strong…but I guess sometimes it just gets to you.

Sigh, I miss you Luis come here.

And next week on Valentine’s Day is his birthday, then a week after that it’s fine. I never cared for V-Day. But it’s my baby’s birthday…so I only wish we got to do something special. 

I can’t wait to make up all this time we’ve been apart. I love you Luis. And I miss you more than anything. :(

This flight is interesting. People in it are interesting. I want to be in NY already. Be with my family and all. I miss them. They are all excited :D And I’m excited and fuck yes, this break is going to be amazing. I’m hoping we will arrive there safe and sound. 

I’m also hoping Luis makes an effort to come see me. He hasn’t even contacted me. :( Wah. But anyways, either way, Immmmma be in fucking New York can’t be mad about NOTHING. 

<3 

OH , and as I was waiting to go into TSA there was this girl with a camera and I guess she was waiting for her boyfriend! And he comes out and they kiss and hug and AH I felt like it was their first time meeting , it made me happy. 

:) YEAY. 

It makes the rest of my day absolutley wonderful and bearable through all the shit I know will happen. He woke me up for my 730 am final. 

:) I love it. Sometimes when I lose hope and get paranoid I’m reminded of how much he loves me and cares about me no matter the distance. 

In a long time we got into a fight. We never have fights, except my “why don’t you call me rants” but We always tell each other everything and when we disagree we talk it out nicely, playfully fighting. But the last time we had an argument was a year ago. We argued about what languages our kids will speak at home. And then we talked about our religions and since then we have ignored our crappy, conflicting religions. 

But today he was REALLY upset. He goes to this community college in Jersey, and he has to take an English Class. But in order to go on to the next level, he needs to take a test. Even though he was getting an A in the English class, he got a 6.5 on the score that two anonymous readers gave to him, and he needed a 7 to pass the class. It irritated me because they base this DUMB test over the whole class. Now this is the SECOND time he has recieved a 6.5 . And the second time taking the exam. His professor is being a dick and doesn’t want to petition for him to get it re-evaluated. Ugh. So Luis has to re-take it, and if he fails he gets kicked out of the school. He has a fucking 3.6 GPA. But he would get kicked out because of a DUMB English class. WHAT THE FUCK. And now he doesn’t get financial aide and he is stressed. So I was trying to help him out, and he was like “UGH you’re not fucking understanding me” and hangs up. I was so mad. But I knew he was frustrated. He never hangs up the phone. Never. It made me so sad that I was trying so hard to help him, but he was getting madder. 

So I called his school to ask about the class and they were being rude, and I called his financial aide to check. 

Then he called back and acknowledged the fact I was helping him and apologized. I guess what I am trying to say is, is that in LDR’s it’s easier to just ignore the person. Because you’re only form of contact is pretty much through the phone. So when I tried calling him back it was easier for him not to answer. But what we have to realize is that we are there for each other no matter the distance. I wish I could have been there to kick his professor’s ass, but also to just comfort him. Not kiss and do that stuff, just hug him, and tell him in person it’ll be ok. I can’t wait to do that stuff. 

I love him more than anything, and I am seriously willing to do anything just to be with him. I want him more than anything, and he just needs to understand that I will be there no matter what, even though not physically but still. I want to be with you LuLu. Soon <3

Holy shit, I can’t believe it. 

Let’s just fucking hope I get accepted to at least ONE of the 10 I applied to! I dished out a butt load of money for those applications. It better be worth it.

This makes me so happy. I fucked up SO bad in high school, and I lost all faith in myself. I disappointed myself, my family, and mostly my mother. I’m lucky I even graduated from high school. And then I went to community college, had a plan that in 2 years I was going to be fucking OUT! And it is finally coming true. My mom and I submitted the applications together, and Oh Luis too on the phone, and the smile on her face was priceless and will forever be remembered. 

<3 Thank you God for all your support and help. 

And honestly, props to me for believing in myself when everyone else didn’t :) <3 AH I’m fucking STOKED. 

Even though I really want to get into the private universities on the East Coast…. <3

I’m just going to flat out and say it. I want Luis. I want him and his sexy body to be all on top of me. I don’t care. I’m sexually frustrated as FUCK. WHY must you be so far baby? We are going to make up all the love-making we have missed out on SOON I hope. 

I want your lips, and your arms all around me, and you on top of me, and EVERYTHING.

:( 

Instead I have to go finish my college applications. Lame. 

:( 

So a while back I posted saying how I was kinda jealous and happy for all the couples and about how all the couples who were getting to see each other or finally meet , and I was like “oh my gosh guys, I can’t want to have a post about this, like a countdown to see my baby” 

WELL GUESS WHAT! The countdown starts TODAY :D I booked my flights to the East Coast, and I am FINALLY seeing the love of my life <3 

I am going to shower him with kisses, hugs, love, EVERYTHING. I can’t FUCKING wait. My dreams are finalllllly coming true :) After a whole year and 4 months dating, we are finally going to be together. <3 Holy shit. This is so un-real. 

I’m going to NY to see my dad, and then he’s going to up from Jersey for some days to spend in the city. Holy shit. CAN THESE WEEKS GO BY ANY FUCKING FASTER? 

So for the next couple of weeks expect my excitedness to be coming out of this blog. No more sad days. JUST happy days. 

OHHHH Happy days <3 I’m going to take pictures, and post them just like all the other LDR’s to show hoow amazing out love is <3 And how me and my baby made it, and all those negative fuckers that continuosly bash on LDR’s can go suck on it :) 

So the whole day I’ve been jumping up and down since I booked my flight and told him. And I randomnly catch myself smiling, and my mom thinks I’m crazy, oh and I do these weird random excited girl screams. 

Okay going to go study for my Midterm :D I’m SO excited to study :) It means ONE day closer to my baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 I can run 500 miles with my energy. Ok, maybe not. BUT STILL :D 

1 MONTH left, :D:D:D 

I love you Luis , and I can’t WAIT to finally be with you.

AND oh, for those who have YET to see their loves, or meet them, or anything HOLD ON, this WILL happen. I PROMISE. You can make it <3 If me and all these others did, sure as HELL you can :) <3 Keep your heads up, oh and SMILE!

I told him that he needs to get his ass on MSN tonight so we can figure shit out. I’m going to let out all my feelings. Ask all the questions I want. Make sure that this relationship is SERIOUSLY worth it. I’m tired of waiting for you. Only wishing and HOPING that today you “might” call me for a few seconds…and then my hopes are crushed when you don’t even bother to reply to a text. I have been inspired. I want you to know what you mean to me. What this relationship means to me. What you do to me. How you make me feel. I’ve loved you since the day we met. That was a year ago. I have dreams of marrying you one day. I have dreams of living in a beautiful house together, and having our adorable children running around. I imagine you coming home from work and kissing my forehead like you said you would always do. How you told me you would bring me flowers sometimes randomly. How you said before you left work you wanted me to walk you to your car and kiss you, and wish you a good day at work. But when I think of all this stuff, I always keep in the back of my mind you might not want that anymore. At least that is what I feel like. Your lack of commitment, and effort to this LDR is making me sad. YOU said we would make it work. YOU said distance didn’t matter. I was skeptical of being with you…because I was afraid that you would do the things my ex did. Such as ignoring me. Forgetting I was your girlfriend. 

I always make time for you. Make time for me like you used to. Let’s make this work. We have ONE more year to go, then we can be together. PLEASE don’t give up on us now. Now when I have completley fallen in love with you. Not when I cry for you. Not when I only want YOU.

You’re my Luis. I want you to forever be my Luis. I miss you. And I love you…I just wish you would realize it sooner.

I know it’s wrong. But I try not to be. But fuck, I really am. I’m jealous of people who get to see you all the fucking time. Talk to you whenever they want. They don’t know how LUCKY they are. 

I Want To Cry. I want to be with you. Why are you in New Jersey. Why am I in California? Why can’t we just be together.

You know today, I met this girl. And we were sitting in class, it was a group of us. We had finished our exercise. And then we came to talking about different things. Then she noticed a my ring, on my ring finger. I mainly put it there because it feels more comfortable because I am right handed and it bothers me on my right hand so I put it on my left, and plus it’s a statement of “I’m taken”. Well to me it is. So she asked me if I had a boyfriend, and quite happily I replied “yes”. And she’s like “oh cool, does he go here?” And I explained to her no he doesn’t. He lives in New Jersey. And she’s like, “oh”. Then I kind of got angry, and I’m like, what do you mean, “oh”. And she’s like, “well technically you aren’t really together. So he’s not even  your boyfriend, I find it odd how you call him your boyfriend when he’s not even here”. I was shocked about HOW rude she could be. I wanted to punch her face. I swear. I kindly explained to her that, yes he is my boyfriend even though we are seperated. And she kept chuckling and going, “no really he isn’t, find someone here, stop being stupid”. I looked at her, said, ” i dont give TWO fucks if you don’t think he’s my boyfriend. He IS my boyfriend, I love him NO matter the fucking distance. Yeah, I miss him like crazy, and just because we don’t see eachother, it does NOT mean we are NOT in love or AREN’T boyfriend and girlfriend. Then I said, I hope one day you and the love of your life get speerated. I know that is SO mean to say, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. But I hope to God it happens to you, so that you can see it doesn’t MATTER the fucking distance”. Got up and walked away. 

I don’t know HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES I run into idiots like these telling them my boyfriend is REAL or that my relationship is real. The next time someone says, “are you in a relationship” or “do you have a boyfriend” I’ll say “yes, and the rest is none of your business, I’m happy so fuck off”. Well, maybe not the “fuck off ” part But still. 

I’m mad. It’s always the days where I miss Luis the most. That idiots like these spring up, being so fucking rude. Like where are your damn manners. I don’t care if you’re being HONEST, but shit, have some limits. 

I’m just going to go cry myself a river and cry.

I Love You Luis. I don’t care what they say. We WILL be together one day. FUCK what they think.