I wish you had more time for me. I haven’t heard your voice since Monday. I wish we could be together. I know I always whine about missing you, and wanting to be with you. But it’s just cause I want it so bad. I know others have it worse than me. I know that you’re busy. But I just want to hear from you once in a while. I want to know you care. I know in your heart you do. But I just want to see that little text message like “hey baby, I love you ,have a good day”. You used to do that all the time. Why did it change? Have you stopped trying? I want to be with you. I want all of you. Just for myself. As selfish as that sounds. I want it to be next month. I want it to be next year, when I move to the East Coast and we can be 3-4 hours away. See each other every other weekend. I want that. But time is going by SO freaking slow. I want us to make it another year. I won’t give up on you. I just hope you won’t give up on us. We’ve made it a REALLY long way. Now let’s keep going.

I love you LuLu.

I hope you are doing well. I know you’re at work too but I just wanted to say: it’s crazy cold in California, I shouldn’t even be complaining, because you’re in Jersey and it’s like snowing there, but can you come here, so we can cuddle and stuff? I’ll make us hot chocolate, with marshmallows just how you like it. And we’ll lay on my couch, and we can watch The Office together , oh and we can kiss, and I can be in your arms, and we can laugh and oh the things we can do. Oh and to warm things up we can have love-making time ! Perfect. 

But in reality I have to go shower so I can go to boring old work. 

P.S, I love you oh and miss you duh . 

-Sincerly, 

your girlfriend who misses you 24.7 and wants to be with you so bad <3 

Then it reminded me of how much I miss Algeria. I miss Setif. Whenever I eat Algerian Food, I imagine myself with my family back home. Stress-Free. Eating all together making jokes. Enjoying my Grandpa Saad’s “Mami” Soda, or do they call it “Smack Soda” Now? Anyways, I loved those moments. I haven’t been back home in Algeria since my uncle’s wedding, and that’s been 6 years. They have since had 2 kids. I want to meet my new cousins. I want to go to my grand-parents house. I want to go to the fancy, long, tiring weddings. I want to see the boys playing soccer outside the balcony saying cuss words at each other, or running around having the time of their lives. THen having my uncle come home and tell me to get back inside the house :)  I love hearing the “Athaan” . I feel like I’ve missed so much of Algeria’s development. I miss my Grandma telling me to go get some milk, and going to the “hallaab” and getting some milk and walking home boys saying things following me as much as I hate it. I miss going out with my cousins. And just having sleepovers, and not sleeping the WHOLE night. I miss going to Capri Tour at our beach house, and going out late at night, not coming home till 4 am. 

I want to go back home. I think I MIGHT just do that in December. I need to. I have to. I want to. But the plane tickets are so expensive :( Anyways, I’ll dream on till I can. <3

I Miss You Algeria.

I hate this. Being mad at each other thing. I hate that he bottles things up and doesn’t tell me what he’s feeling, so he ignores me. I miss you Luis. I want you. I want all of you. Me+You, together forever. That’s what we said. That’s what we’ve planned. Why are things all of a sudden changing :( 

If I was in Jersey, or he lived in California, I swear I wouldn’t hesitiate ONE moment to drive my ass up to his house, work, school or whatever. JUST to talk and make sure everything’s ok. Being in arguments from a distance is not fun. I can’t take it. I don’t want this. I want us to be ok again. :( 

Crying my eyes out, is what I’ve been doing. I wonder what you are doing/thinking. 

:(

But like I’ve said before. I am NOT giving up. :(

I HATE going out and seeing couples. I HATE knowing that I can’t see my boyfriend whenever I want. I HATE knowing that he’s going somewhere and wishing I was there with him. I HATE everyone who gets to see my Luis in stupid, old New Jersey. I HATE the fact that anytime I am feeling  down, he can’t be here to kiss me, and hug me and just tell me that everything is going to be okay. I HATE that I can’t talk to him for a few days, because out stupid schedules conflict and we can’t talk because we are both free at different times. I hate it. I hate it. I hate. I’ve cried every single fucking night this week, because I haven’t heard his voice since last Wednesday. I hate knowing that his mom is in the hospital, and I can’t be there to help out and tell him she’s going to be ok. I hate it. I hate it. I hate. :( I just want all this sadness to go away. I miss you Luis. More than you know, or I think realize. 

Even though I am all angry about this, or sad or whatever you call it, I can’t help but smile everytime I remember that he loves me, even at a distance. One time, in our relationship there was this week where we didn’t have the chance to speak. At all, just through texts. One night, in the middle of the night he called me, but I was dead asleep, and left me a lovely message. He says in the message for me to listen to it, anytime I miss him, and him letting me know that he loves me no matter what, and that even when we have these conflicting week schedules and we can’t talk, that I should listen to the message and it’ll be ok. To be honest, it makes me cry, but I can’t help but cry I guess you could say, tears of joy :) Because his voice is so adorable, and the way he says, “I Love You” Makes me melt. 

I Love You Luis, I know I always say this, but come here. And be with me. Please?

I know it’s 99% because I miss you, and the other 1% I just, I don’t know.  I just REALLY want to be with you right now. Just always & forever. I want to cry, but I  shouldn’t, I am SO much stronger than that. 

I love you. Come here to me. And be with me. 

I want to call you up and be like, “babyyy, I remember how you said you want to go see Lion King? Let’s go watch it at 730 !” Annnd then he’d be like, “okayyy, pick you up at 600 for dinner and then movies” and then I would go take a shower, get ready, be all pretty for him and then go out to eat, go watch the movie, then drive to Shoreline Lake, and walk at night. I REALLY, REALLY wish you were here so we could do that :( 

I miss you SO much. But until then, I’ll wait :) I’m all weak and missing him, but in the end, I know we’ll be together soon, so in the back of my mind I’m content. Any who, I am going to snuggle on my couch, get a blankie, call Luis and tell him to get on Netflix so we can watch a movie together. :)

Yeayyyy for long distance dates :) <3

I realize I dream a alot about what me and Luis could do/would do if he was here :) And he does the same. And I’m okay with that, means I am making tons of make-up dates for us to do when we’ll be together. :) The list will go on and on and on when he’s here. We will have TONS of fun, I can just feel it :)

Therefore, I shall go get my nails beautified. My eyebrows did. Gym time. Then surely, beach with my lovely girls. I haven’t had a day off in ages. I feel so old. 

But you know what I WISH I could do on my day off? 

Drag Luis to get my nails done. Then go get his haircut. Then we would go have a lovely lunch date. And then we would go to the beach. Spend the day together. Hug him. Kiss him. Be held by him. Say “I love you” to his face. Play around with him. Tease him. Laugh with him. And then, we would come back home. Cuddle up and watch the Lion King, because that’s his favorite movie. And then we would go on YouTube, and get lyrics to songs, and then we sing them for each other, even though half the time we mess up the words :) And then we would play a battle game, of “Who can rap the best” So we sit in corners of the room and the rules are making a rap song that rhymes, and it has to be one minute long and we can’t mess up :) Haha, it’s SO much fun. And then after that’s done. I would make us some dinner. And then we would go to the bed, cuddle, and the rest is history because it has been wayyyy tooo lonnng since I’ve had my sexual needs taken care of. 

Anywho. That was a nice moment of dreaming. I wish he wasn’t so far away so we could actually do this stuff :) But that’s okay, soon enough we will! And now, I will go out, see plenty of couples and cry inside, and stare at them when they aren’t looking as creepy as that is, and then when my friends as, “are you ok” I’ll be like “yupppp, just miss him” and smile. 

<3 I love you LuLu, wish you were here.